After put myself out of dissertation time – I had walked around – on my mind
No side – No shape – just the empty space – No colour – No light – No day – No night
– Just the space on a hole in time –
I see everything, but, everything I see is nothing.
No pass, I saw – No future, I will see
To enter my mind’s empty space, I walked through the gate of soul, actually I can even call that gate a trapped hole.
I was caught by invisible power – only gate I’d been saw, was the entering gate – I tried climb over to pass the hole, but couldn’t.
That space was an empty space, it was nothing as I’d said before.
Since it could not pass through the entering gate, I walked around to find a new way.
Seriously that space was very huge, a lot bigger than I’d been imagine.
I could not find anything, when I was looking at the left, I did not see the ending point.
Eventually, when I was looking at the right, the front, or even turned to the back, it was no ending point.
It was almost 10 days that I stuck on that space
I tried in every possibility ways to backed through the hole.
I couldn’t and I couldn’t and I couldn’t, time to time to time and so on.
It was the last day there, I sat down the ground, thought what I’d done to be here.
I figured out that I did nothing to be the reason to be here.
Nothing I did was important to be recognized.
The findings would going failed if I couldn’t sparked.
Since it’d been sparked, I realized that I lost the mission to go, so that’s why I was stopped here.
My ex-mission was that I want to have the further study, the second master or the doctorate degree.
Since I was working hard on the dissertation, but the grade or score was not good enough to satisfied my efforts putting, I decided to reject my first mission.
So I’m lost. Then, I looked around, I didn’t see anyone on my side.
Any one that respected me as mine, not me as someone who they want me to be.
I’m alone – a single guy, oh my.
Friends marry, couples mary, but me lonely.
So I’m sad.
A perfect matched girl, where have you been, and where are you.
I waiting for you for a long time, I’d seen many girls in my life, they walked in and walked out.
I was thinking, one was right, but not.
I was thinking the second time, another one was right, but not.
I was thinking the third time lucky would came, other one was right, but not agian.
on and on, could I claimed myself as a player, if no one is right.
I used to stop, but the came was not the right one, I separated, and tried on new one.
It is very difficult on live with the confusion.
and I try hard already.